Most people afflicted with commitment phobia really do want to be in a loving, committed relationship, but their hearts and brains suffer a disconnect.
Commitment Phobia is a term that just doesn’t seem adequate when you consider the degrees of fear it spans; from apprehension to paralytic. There are a lot of causes of commitment phobia, but generally, it’s based on fear and insecurity. The most common, in my experience, is the fear of getting hurt. Feelings are things we have little control over, that can be scary. When we invest our feelings in a person or relationship, we become vulnerable and believe we just gave our partner a weapon; the power to hurt us. So, we’d better get out before they abuse that power. This fear overrules any thought that this person could be our soul mate. Insecurity spawned the belief that ‘he couldn’t possibly love me as much as I love him,’ and it has thwarted so many potential relationships. The heart is fragile, but it is also more resilient than we give it credit for, it’s our ego that makes the hasty decisions, and the ego’s priority is to protect itself at all costs.
Past Lives, Present Haunts
Nobody wants to be commitment phobic, it’s not a choice, it’s usually the by-product of painful past experiences or the result of too many choices and the fear of making the wrong one. We’ve all heard of the ‘adoption phenomenon’ The couple who tries everything to get pregnant, to no avail. They finally give up and adopt. No sooner do they get their adopted baby into their homes does mother discover she’s pregnant. It’s happened many, many times. When we are so attached to a result or outcome, we block it from happening on an energetic level. The person with commitment phobia stemming from the fear of rejection is sending out an energy that can only be met by the same energy. The only way to change it, is to change our energy.
Walk the Walk When It Comes To Commitment Phobia
An often unconsidered casualty of commitment phobia is that we don’t always see the pain we cause others. The person with commitment phobia may, in an attempt to overcome her fear, try allowing a relationship to unfold, but as soon as any suggestion of future plans is brought up, the commitment phobic runs for the hills. She doesn’t see the pain she caused in her partner, because she honestly doesn’t believe someone could love her enough that she could hurt them. People with commitment phobia do not see the suffering they cause in others, as far as they know, they’re the ones who get hurt.
University of You
There is no such thing as an unbreakable heart, everybody who is in your life, is in it for a reason. There are opportunities for growth and learned insight in every relationship in our lives. Find these opportunities and learn the lessons, you won’t be ‘dateable’ until you believe you are.
The best thing you can do is work on yourself, don’t even consider putting your heart out there until you do. When you reclaim your confidence and self-worth; when you see yourself as the awesome human being that you are, it won’t even cross your mind that someone would not fall head over heels for you. Then and only then will the trappings of commitment phobia disappear.