Although chemistry and compatibility may seem like interchangeable terms, I can assure you that they are vastly different. And if you want to discern whether or not a relationship will be successful long-term, it’s important to learn these differences.

Let’s talk about compatibility first. Compatibility comes from an alignment of lifestyle choices and values. There is a sense of like-mindedness. In order for a couple to be highly compatible, their core beliefs and values need to play well together. If one person is very religious or spiritual and the other is not, for instance, that’s an immediate mismatch. If one person loves to travel and the other wants to sit at home and watch Netflix all day…again, a mismatch.

You need to ask yourself the tough questions and determine what you want out of life. What’s important to you? Where do you want to live? Are you career-focused? Is family an important part of your life? What are your political views? Do you eventually want children? When these core values align with your partner’s, that indicates a high level of compatibility.

Chemistry on the other hand, can often be defined by one simple word: sparks. It’s the emotional connection you feel with another person. When you’re with them, you feel butterflies, you feel unexplainably drawn to them. You dig their appearance, you dig the way they look at you, the way they smile, the way they reach for your hand, the way they laugh when you tell a joke. You just want to be around them. And when you’re not, you can’t get them off your mind.

Chemistry and compatibility can exist without the other.

A relationship with high compatibility and low chemistry is indeed possible, and happens more often than you think. It’s comfortable, but boring. It’s essentially stable companionship.

A relationship with high chemistry and low compatibility on the other hand, spells disaster. These relationships are tumultuous, and inspire completely irrational behaviour. When two incompatible individuals feel emotionally tied to one another, they will make any excuse to be together, sometimes even sacrificing themselves. It’s like a rollercoaster; exciting and filled with adrenaline, but often short-lived. These relationships are bad news; chemistry cannot work without compatibility.

Bottom line:

what you want is a balanced blend of chemistry and compatibility. You want both. You have your sparks, but you also have a life partner. And trust me when I say that you will know when you have met this person. They’re out there. You just have to dig deep, know who you are, know what you want, and allow your intuition to guide you when dating.

 


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