Why is it so hard to date today?
Now don’t get mad, but I’m going to throw something out there…dating today sucks! The dating world isn’t the same as it was 15 years ago; it’s not even the same as it was 10 years ago! I love the fact that online dating doesn’t have a stigma anymore and Tinder and Smartphones are amazing, but they’ve totally screwed up our ability to find someone in person to date. Have you tried to pick someone up at a bar recently? It’s nearly impossible nowadays because people have their phone to hide behind, you don’t have to worry about making awkward eye contact with people, but here’s the thing about awkward eye contact, IT LEADS TO A CONVERSATION! So many of the people that come to me for matchmaking don’t want to put themselves out there online but they just aren’t having success in bars and coffee shops anymore, this is because we’re changed as a society; we’re anti-social and paranoid.
We live in a crazy world and we need to be diligent about our safety, regardless if we meet someone online or in person, but our caution has made it difficult for us to forge connections. The best way to stay safe when dating today is to make sure someone always knows where you are and when they should expect you back. You can even set up a code message with your friend so you can let each other know if you’re in trouble, something discreet like; “Are we still on for brunch tomorrow?” Knowing that you have a game plan in place will let you relax and enjoy the dating process more.
Now let’s dish about Tinder. I know the media loves to talk about Tinder and all the safety concerns that go along with it but I want to focus on the actual user experience and why it’s bullshit. Here it is: you can’t know you like someone from a picture. Yeah, you may end up liking them, which is great but that’s just a fluke. With Tinder you could literally just swipe past your soul mate and never get that opportunity again. We’ve become increasingly judgmental due to Tinder and the seemingly endless string of photos it provides us. Looks are important but they shouldn’t be the first consideration when finding a relationship. We are now Tinder monsters; we find reasons to turn down everyone before we even hear a word out of their mouth. Everyone has flaws, if you don’t want to give someone a chance because their teeth are a little crooked then don’t be surprised when nobody wants to give you a chance because you don’t have a 6-pack of abs.
When our dating experience is mediated by technology it’s easy to forget that there are real people behind those screens. We need to stop trying finding someone to date the same way that we order off a menu and bring it back down to the real world. You don’t have to stop using dating apps and online dating all together but you should mix it up sometimes; trying speed dating and if you are trying to pick up at the bar then put your phone away and get ready to make some awkward eye contact.