Today, I want to talk about the different ways we give and receive love, widely known today as the five love languages. Basically, this is the way we communicate our love for our partner. The five love languages are as follows: quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gift-giving, and acts of service. Learning your predominant love language, as well as your partner’s, is so important. I can’t emphasize this enough. Looking back on some of my own previous relationships, it’s easy to see why they ended. We weren’t expressing ourselves in a way that was aligned with our respective love languages, which meant that we didn’t feel fully loved.
Now, all five love languages may seem important, and it’s natural to think that all five are essential to some degree. But believe me when I say that there is always one (or two) that speaks to us the most. That love language, or two love languages, is what you need to feel fulfilled in any romantic relationship. If you’re not getting that from your partner, your relationship may eventually feel stale down the line. This is why it’s important to discover your love language, communicate your needs with your partner, and also work at fulfilling your partner’s love language.
The Five Love Languages
First, we have quality time. This one is fairly straightforward; someone whose main love language is quality time feels that they’re most fulfilled when they’re spending time with their significant other. Now, the word “quality” is important – both parties need to be present, have meaningful conversations, and give their person their undivided attention. So if you’re together 24/7 but are constantly on your phones or watching TV, it doesn’t count toward fulfilling this need.
Moving along to the second of the five love languages, we come to words of affirmation. People who crave words of affirmation as their love language need verbal acknowledgments of affection. This means compliments, lots of “I love you’s,” verbal support and encouragement, and other words that verbally express appreciation and love. It’s taking the time to tell your partner that you’re happy to have them in your life. It’s saying, “Hey. You make me so happy.” Or “I love the way you care for our children.” If you feel it, say it aloud.
Next, we have physical touch, which is also fairly straightforward. People with touch as their love language need exactly that – lots of touching! This can be things like kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and sex. Frequent touching and physical expressions of love make this person feel warm and appreciated.
Those with gift-giving as their main love language enjoy being gifted with a visual and physical symbol of love, though this doesn’t mean that gifts need to be expensive! It’s less about monetary value and more about the meaning behind these gifts. Maybe it’s a small bouquet of their favourite flowers or their favourite chocolate bar that you picked up while you were doing groceries. It’s a gift that reflects them.
The last of the five love languages is acts of service. Having acts of service as a love language means that you feel most loved when your partner goes out of their way for you; they do things that make your life a little easier. They’ll do the dishes even if it’s not their turn, they’ll pick up that random ingredient you needed for the dinner you were planning, they’ll bring you a snack while you work. It’s an action-oriented love language. You’re not just saying you love your partner; you’re showing you love them.
And there you have it! If you don’t yet know your love language, I highly recommend you find out by taking the online quiz. From there, make it a priority to talk to your partner about your love language as well as theirs. Overall, the five love languages are a fabulous way to not only connect with your partner but to also help you learn to love each other in a way both of you will recognize.