At one point or another we’ve all been rejected, even the most beautiful people get turned down. It can be for a variety of reasons, including not having anything in common or the other person already seeing someone but the reason isn’t important. What’s important is taking rejection gracefully and learning how to cope with it and getting the help you need if you’re feeling disheartened. In light of the recent Toronto Van Attack I felt this is an especially important topic to cover considering the suspect’s ties to the incel movement. To learn about the movement please read my previous blog post.
A lot of the time rejection is due to something that’s easily remedied. A common one I see is that you’re approaching the wrong people. I’m a firm believer that looks aren’t the most important part when looking for a match and you should be basing everything off of internal characteristics first, but unfortunately that isn’t the way the world works. If you keep getting rejected you need to objectively consider their attractiveness in comparison to yours, if there is a huge disparity consider approaching more people similar to you, you may find you get better results.
Another issue that often comes up is that you aren’t being confident, it’s proven that confident people make
a better first impression, and first impressions are what’s most important when it comes to dating. Being confident means standing tall, speaking clearly and being assertive. Note that it doesn’t mean being aggressive or not taking no for an answer.
If you’re being rejected online than it usually comes down to one of two things; your messages don’t stand out or you’re being way too specific/overbearing. It’s a very fine line to walk but it does get easier the more you practice. For more tips on how to approach people, check out this blog post.
When you’re rejected it’s important to remember that the other person isn’t intentionally trying to hurt you and your self worth is not determined by their opinion. Just because you’re rejected doesn’t mean that you won’t find love. Being rejected sucks and can be very disheartening but if you let it crush your spirit than it will only get worse and your chances will become slimmer.
When faced with rejection, either online or in person, a quick, polite response is always best. You’ll probably feel angry and hurt but being a jerk about it or continuing to ask them definitely isn’t going to change their mind, and might cause more harm than good. “Thank you, have a good night” goes a long way when you get rejected. It’s a clean respectful end that allows you both to get on with your life.
If constant rejection is causing you distress and you don’t know where to turn try to visit a therapist, councilor or other mental health professional or book a date coaching session with me. Be weary of online forums, gaining a sense of community is great but often online forums can be a breading ground for anger and resentment and can lead to a life of complaining and unhappiness rather than giving you the tools you need to deal with rejection effectively.
I hope this guide helps you manage rejection and not give up! Remember I’m always available for a session if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by rejection or any other dating woes. In the face of rejection don’t turn towards hate and revenge; there’s always a better way.
