When we begin to date again, it can be easy to fall into the trap of comparing new love interests to your ex. It makes sense – you’re looking at someone who could potentially fill the role that was once occupied by someone else.  However, if you want to give a new relationship its best chance, you need to stop playing the relationship comparison game. While it’s important to learn from our exes, it’s also important to view a new relationship with fresh eyes. Yes, you can be discerning, but you should also allow yourself to have hope – to daydream about the what-ifs. If you’re constantly comparing a new relationship to a past one, you’re allowing a third party situation to influence something that could be great.

relationship comparison - girl ripping up photo of ex boyfriend

 If you find yourself defaulting to relationship comparison, here’s what I want you to do.

 How to stop relationship comparison when you meet someone new

Firstly, understand that love looks different in every relationship. A new relationship might challenge you to look at things differently, to grow and evolve. Your new person could fulfill you in ways that you never dreamed, while simultaneously challenging old beliefs you used to hold in previous relationships. Be open, have faith in your new relationship, and don’t let yourself miss out on something great just because you’re not able to recognize it as the good thing it is.

 Secondly, if you want to give this new relationship its best chance, you can’t allow your past to interfere. This new person is not your ex – they are two completely different human beings. Just because someone hurt you in the past doesn’t mean someone is going to hurt you again. Holding on to old fears will only hinder you in the long run, and may even cause you to self-sabotage. You deserve someone great; allow yourself to get to know someone for who they truly are, and have faith in the possibilities this new relationship could bring.

 Lastly – and this is the most important point – remember that your past relationship ended for a reason. You and your ex didn’t work out for a reason. It can be easy to remember the good times when thinking about an ex, but don’t forget about the things that left you feeling cold or unsatisfied. And while it may hurt to let go of a relationship you once believed in, please know that it’s a gift. Endings allow you to have new beginnings. And failed relationships teach you so much about yourself and what you want. Be thankful for your ex, because they were a part of your journey, but let them stay in the past.

 Bottom line: you can look back and appreciate your past relationships for what they were, without allowing it to impact your journey forward.

 I hope this was helpful!

 


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