Picking up on the signs your date is controlling, is not a difficult as you think.
Trying to date someone who is controlling is suffocating, energy depleting and soul sucking. Why put yourself in that situation?
There is some sure fire warning signs early on to determine if your date is controlling.
Early on warning signs your date is controlling:
- They are immediately “in love” and attached to you.
- They always insist on picking the dates, including ordering for you at the restaurant! Every detail is planned their way, how they want it.
- They don’t appear to have many friends and want to spend every minute with you. You are ultimately their world.
- They are moody and get angry easily when things don’t go their way.
- They always believe they are right. Listening to your opinion is more of an annoyance for them; you can see they are just going to go with what they believe anyways.
Once you have been dating them for a bit, here are some further signs your date is controlling:
- People start leaving from your life. Your date demands so much of your time, your other relationships are suffering. Your date makes you feel guilty for spending time with your friends when you actually do.
- You are no longer doing the things you enjoy. Everything you do is about your date.
- They pick at everything you do and criticize you. They make you feel as if you don’t measure up to them. They even critique your clothes and what you wear. In fact, they want to choose what you wear! Further, they bring up the past where you have “harmed them.” Every interaction seems tit for tat.
- They are overly paranoid and jealous. They may even spy on you and try and “catch you in the act.”
- They threaten your relationship or to leave you. The relationship seems conditional on you acting in a certain manner.
- They flip on you easily. One minute they are the sweetest person, the next they are flying off the handle. Your relationship runs hot and cold quickly.
- They have different “rules” than you do. Where a night hanging out with their friends or doing their own thing is an option, for you, going out without them is not an option.
If you are seeing any of these warning signs in your date, it’s a billboard sign to cut your losses and move on without them. Their treatment of you shows very little respect for you, lack of empathy and no willingness to change. This behaviour can escalate to the point of being dangerous!
In the beginning you might feel like you’re ‘being taken care of,’ and what damsel doesn’t like the white knight ‘protecting’ them from all harm? It’s the stuff of fairy tales and we grew up romanticizing this ideal. That’s all fine and well, as long as the tell-tale signs mentioned above have not taken root. Because if they do, the natural progression can lead to obsession.
Essentially, you become the ‘property’ of the control freak in his/her mind. Obsession is what drives stalkers and fanatics. The longer you tolerate the behaviour, the more the obsession grows and the harder it is to get out of the relationship unscathed. This isn’t something to take lightly.
Pay attention, check in with your gut, and if the red flags are waving, get out of the relationship as soon as possible….when the protector turns into the one you need to be protected from, things can spiral out of control quickly. Be your own hero!