Relationships are filled with ebs and flows, times when someone wants a closer connection and times when someone wants space in a relationship.
This can be easy for some and more difficult for others. So many thoughts can fill our mind about what it means if someone wants their space or what it means if someone wants to be together. Our minds often become preoccupied with thoughts on the negative. The truth why people want a closer connection or space in a relationship might be something totally different than what we think and it
might even be positive.
So what is our way out of the chaos?
Understanding this dynamic is having a huge part of the role you play within the relationship in your
court. It can be strenuous to understand what is happening when we are going through it so the best
way to deal with our thoughts around a situation is to come prepared. Hopefully, I will give you some
insight into the way people respond or react depending on the state of awareness they are in.
There are 5 states of awareness and being in one state to another can vary based on different situations.
The states are what I call Victim, Victimizer, Motivator, Inspirer and Enlightened Warrior.
To a victim they always think about protection. These people feel empty inside and they have worries,
doubts and concerns leading to insecurity and fear. On the outside they blame, justify and complain.
When a person in this state encounters someone who wants space or be together, their thoughts will
turn to fear and judgement. Now the person who wants space or togetherness may be doing this
because they are also in a Victim state and you need to consider this, how frequently they want it and
the law of attraction suggesting you will attract similar people. However, for this purpose let’s just focus
on ourselves. People with a Victim mentality will probably even judge the situation before knowing any
reasons for space or togetherness. Examples are that person is too clingy, needy, desperate, unavailable,
unemotional, a loner and I’m sure you can come up with more. If you are in this state understand that your
mind wants to protect you from getting hurt.
The next state of awareness is the Victimizer and these people are about domination. When they
encounter someone who wants space or togetherness and it doesn’t go with what they want, attack will
most likely happen. A Victimizer will consider it as a declaration of war as they need to be the dictators.
This will depend on the severity of time away or together. Their thoughts will be about “how dare they”,
“they want to play it that way fine I will make them pay”, “I will do it first”, “don’t they ever leave”, “I
need my space”. Again law of attraction does suggest Victimizers will attract submissive people and can
get away with these tactics. However, if you understand that Victimizers feel empty inside and lead with
power then to understand is to not give away your power. For a Victimizer the way out is to ask for the
reason so the mind won’t find battle strategies.
The third state of awareness is the Motivator and goal achieving is on the brain. When the dating
partner asks for space or togetherness, this person looks for how this can benefit the future. It’s a more
positive stance then the last two states, however, looking at the future and the goal in the relationship
will take you out of the moment. Like I mentioned in the Victim state, looking at frequency of space or
togetherness and focusing on the goal is important it’s just don’t get consumed by it. Sometimes people
in this state get caught up with how the relationship should/could/would look and trust doesn’t enter
the scenario. The mind here will say if I give space now will they always want space, if we are always
together will it be suffocating, if I give space will I see them, how will this effect/affect my relationship
goals. It’s best to trust in the law of attraction and understand everything if it’s meant to be will work
The Inspirer stage will come from their hearts first and will be eager to please (of course you can have
your space or we can get together if you wish). Then after an hour of space or togetherness worries,
doubts and concerns will start to creep in. Things like what does this mean or that mean, however the
meaning is often negative similar to the Victim. Inspirers also feel they need to always allow and respect
the wishes of the partner and feel this is the loving way. They will sacrifice themselves for the other and
often become martyrs. People in this state will sometimes find it difficult to convey their own wants
and wishes to space or togetherness as this can create conflict.
The best state to be in is the Enlightened Warrior as they have the ability to see things clearly. Their
minds will be focused on what is healthy and know both togetherness and space in a relationship has a time and place.
They go with the flow and also will speak up when needed if something doesn’t feel right. The past,
present and future all play a part in the relationship always for the better. An Enlightened Warrior
comes from their heart and trusts while looking to make the relationship better through contribution.
They have peace and have the strength to be patient when space is needed and loving when together.
When you can achieve this state the law of attraction will bring you someone truly amazing!
Next time your date or partner is asking for a closer connection or space, see which state of awareness you
enter and respond with what is in both parties best interest to create a win-win situation.
For more information or to book a complimentary Synchronicity Discovery Session valued at $197
About Neil Goldhar
Synchronicity Guide, Speaker and Author for over 6 years and created a synchronicity guidance program focusing on activating your synchronicity code. I helped create over 150 events in 2013-2014 on different topics ranging from spiritual, social, business/networking and improvisational acting.
I earned a diploma in Marketing Administration, a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, and a Postgraduate Certificate in Human Resources Management.