Boy, we are going through some tough times. These are times where we may be feeling a lot of mixed emotions with what’s going on in the world right now. With the coronavirus and self isolation, this is a confusing time filled with anxiety and fear of the unknown.
I mean this year seemed to have started off on a great path, a new decade, we all had goals and aspirations and for some these goals included finding their life partner. And now what? If you’re coupled up, isolation may not seem so bad but when you’re single, isolation can be a true test of resilience.
It seems like everything around us has been shut down but that doesn’t mean your dating life has to come to an end.
It’s crazy to think about how much the world has changed in just a couple of weeks. And this change seems to be bringing us back to the good old days where things seemed pretty simple. If you had the hots for someone, you simply had to go up and talk to them and arrange to go on a date. Sometimes you would talk on the phone for weeks prior to meeting. Those were the days where a relationship was built from the ground up rather than jumping around from person to person, never being satisfied and looking for instant gratification like we’ve all been accustomed to today.
I think now more than ever is a time to focus on self love. Being single can be a lonely place but that doesn’t mean that you need to self isolate emotionally or physically.
As humans our social needs need to be met to be healthy, happy and to survive and staying socially connected is a way of staying healthy both physically and emotionally.
In this blog I am going to offer some tips and have a discussion around how to stay connected and date during the coronavirus.
Tip #1 – Slow down and focus on who you are, what strengths and weaknesses to you bring to a relationship
We all think that we know what we want but are the people you are reaching out to most suitable for you? What’s important to you? What type of person do you get a long with?
Think about it, you’ve probably been swiping left and right looking at pictures and not really connecting with anyone.
You see one thing you don’t like, you swipe left or you’re talking to someone that’s not suitable but you’ll entertain the idea of meeting up with them anyway because you find them attractive. This is your chance to take a look at who you are and who would be most suitable for you.
I encourage you to choose a partner who’s goals align with yours and not just choose a partner based on attraction. Attraction is important but it’s not everything.
We see this happen a lot, After a few dates when the initial attraction wears off, there is no more connection why? Because the two people have little in common.
It’s good to have standards but if you’re going to be extremely picky, you’ll miss out on meeting some really fantastic people.
I want you to take a deeper look at your negotiables and non negotiables. Negotiables are things that are flexible they don’t go against your core values. Hair colour, breast size, height, interests, profession. Non negotiables go against your values things important to you like religion, wanting kids, type of lifestyle you want to live, smoking etc. Write these things down the things you want to look for in profiles. And figure out what you want to accomplish with your interactions.
Tip #2 – With your new free time, try to put some effort into creating a really good dating profile
There are so many resources and articles out there that can help you with that. And if you are still having a difficult time, you can always get some help writing your profile and choosing the right photos. Get advice from a friend or have a professional like myself help you.
I can’t stress enough how important your pictures are. They are the first thing that someone will see and if you don’t put any effort into them this will show, you won’t have much success.
So if you are not having much luck online the first thing you want to do is change up your pictures to see if you get better results. Test out different pictures and see which ones work better for you.
If you’re single you’re most likely self quarantining or you may have a roommate, play dress up and take self timed photos around your home and upload them to your profile. If you’re roommate can’t help you out then do it yourself.
And If you haven’t written anything in your profile, you haven’t gotten around to it yet, this is your time to do that. And we don’t have a lot of time today to spend on this but if you need help with your profile you can reach out to either of us after the show.
Tip #3 – Use this time to really connect and get to know someone
I think that meeting someone online during this time can really give you the time to go deeper with one person and get to know them. I’ve heard from clients using the apps in the last week that people are engaging more and taking the time to chat. They say that there been a 188% increase mentions of coronavirus on profiles in March. What a great way to start a conversation.
Online dating has created this over abundance of choice, people don’t seem to stay in the conversation for very long. In more cases than not, the conversation seems to be going well but then quickly fizzles out and leaves you thinking what happened there, where did they go? Well we’ve become so used to writing someone off within seconds. You see something you don’t like, you’re like see ya or let me see what else is out there because I can. People are always looking for something better to come along.
When you are constantly entertaining different options or people, it can make it very difficult to connect with one person. And that is one of the biggest problems with dating today.
So many relationships never happen and not because someone is not good enough but because someone’s not actually invested in any one relationship and allowing that relationship to evolve or grow into something.
So many of us get physically intimate right away and these relationships don’t always work out in the long run why? Because you need to build the foundation before you put the roof on.
You need to build the house from the ground up, we shouldn’t skip these steps, take the time to qualify them and make sure they are a suitable match before you start having sex. This will save you a lot of heartache in the long run. This is what isolation is forcing us to do.
Tip #4 – Use this time as an opportunity to distance yourself from people that are not suitable for you.
All the signs and red flags are there, this is your chance to move on and get away from them.
Tip #5 – Use different strategies to connect with other singles
Hop on a phone call, have a great conversation, see how you can build chemistry using different modalities.
Take advantage of video dates. I know, a lot of us non millennials may have a difficult time with video because we didn’t grow up with it. Video can be intimidating and scary but dating is all about getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things. And lighting is everything so find an area in your home with good lighting.
Don’t be shy about asking someone to video date if you don’t ask you won’t receive. And ladies I encourage you as well to put yourself out there and to initiate as well. Don’t always expect the men to initiate. They may be waiting for you to initiate and they may not be sure what you are comfortable with.
Have fun with your video dates -arrange a time when you both have some privacy at home so you can relax and focus and plan the video chats don’t just spring it on someone.
Video date ideas
– share a cocktail together
– share a part of your home with your date if you’ve been working on a reno project
– share a meal together
– Play truth or dare
– watch a movie together
Find ways to stay connected online with family, friends, on social groups, take courses and work on yourself keep busy with the things that you never had time to do. Well this is your time to do all those things you always wanted to but never had time for.
Tip#6 – Work on your dating skills. Fine tune your conversation and flirt skills.
Conversation skills don’t come easy for everyone. Some people need to practice, the more you practice the easier it gets. One great way to practice your conversation skills will be to join in on one of SITC’s upcoming online speed dating events that are now live! You’ll be able to meet up to 15 singles virtually in a speed dating scenario.
Speed Dating gets you out of your comfort zone and is a great way to practice having conversations with people that you’ve never met before.
I’ve also come up with a program for men called “Get the Total Approach”, It’s a 10 module seminar that I’ve put together for men to help them gain confidence, approach women and never run out of things to say again you can find that seminar on singleinthecity.ca under Date course.
Tip #7 – Be safe
if you do decide to meet which I know someone of you will although we don’t suggest it, have an adult conversation around it. Do you share the same level of concern, how long have you both been isolating? What rules will you have in place when you do meet?
My suggestion, meet outside in a public place, take a walk and practice social distancing, 6 feet away from each other. Another ideas is to meet in a populated parking lot, sit in your cars and chat with each other though the window.
Tip #8 – Take a break from dating all together.
If you don’t feel like connecting with anyone right now and or if you feel that you don’t possess the traits that you are looking for in a partner then don’t be dating! Put a pause on it and get back to dating when you’re ready.
We are all feeling this sadness right now and you are entitled to process your emotions anyway that you like!
I do realize that a lot of us are in a vulnerable state right now but I encourage you practice self awareness and avoid inviting the wrong people into your life because you are terrified of going through this alone. Being alone is ok, it’s just temporary and you are building a stronger you.
Although these are tough and strange times, and most of our lives are being turned upside down, we don’t have to completely say “bye” to our hopes of finding someone. It just means it’s time to get a little creative.
Be sure to check out the episode on How To Date During The Pandemic on The Dating and Relationship Show.