We know when we go to a bar or singles event that we’ll bear witness to several ‘dating rituals.’ They’re very familiar; we’ve been participants often enough to be able to script them quite accurately. But like any familiar scenario, we often fall prey to dating facts and myths.
Like a cliché, if we’ve heard it often enough it’s an ingrained fact – let’s take a closer look at a couple of these dating facts and myths and see where we may need to adjust our thinking – in no particular order:
DATING MYTH NUMBER ONE: ALL MEN ARE MISOGYNISTS
If your day starts with having to walk through a gauntlet of construction workers who decide to ‘honour’ you with a personal soundtrack of hoots and catcalls, followed by the further indignities of a clueless colleague, supervisor or client making sexist remarks in your presence, or directed at you, it’s easy to paint all men with the same brush. Hence the popular Dating Myth; all men are misogynists.
You have to suspect that without an audience, the construction workers, colleagues, supervisors and clients previously mentioned, would likely be far too timid to behave that way on their own. So if that night one of these guys are at a party or other social setting and see a woman they find attractive, they’re not going to hoot at them from across the room – on the contrary, they will have to work up the courage to approach, they are nowhere near as confident as they pretend to be. Dating Fact: Not all men are misogynists; there’s strength in numbers.
DATING MYTH NUMBER TWO: MEN DON’T DO THE WALK OF SHAME
If you’ve ever tried approaching a man you’re interested in, you know the anxiety, apprehension and near terror you feel when you consider the possibility of being rejected. That walk of shame back to your table or seat at the bar is the longest walk ever, especially if the friends who goaded you into approaching him in the first place are waiting for you with horror on their faces. When men walk back to their table after being rejected by their ‘target,’ it’s with a wide grin and, by contrast, his friends are smiling, patting him on the back and buying him a beer. There’s no shame, just a typical ‘guy’s night out shenanigan.’ Dating Myth: Men don’t do the walk of shame.
I’ve spoken to several men on this topic because I’ve often wondered how they manage to get up the nerve to approach a woman when I’ve seen some less than pleasant rejections. The bravado is a façade, it’s a coping mechanism and all the guys know it. It’s like ‘fight club’ you don’t talk about it. When not with co-conspirators, men do fret about how they’ll approach a woman. They spend a lot of time crafting their lines – which means, it’s not ‘who they are.’ It’s ‘who they think we want them to be.’ I’m not sure where they get their information about who they think we want them to be, but we have a mole, and she’s not doing us any favours. Dating Fact: Men do the walk of shame, they just cloak it in bravado.
DATING MYTH NUMBER THREE: ANY MAN WHO APPROACHES YOU WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU
If you’re in a bar or other social setting and a great song comes on, a guy you’re not attracted to asks you to dance, you really want to dance – but you believe that accepting his invitation means you’re interested in more than a dance. Dating Myth: All men who approach you want sex.
Maybe he likes the song and wants to dance too? Women often get up and dance together or in groups, men do not generally dance with another man unless it’s in a group. By rejecting the invitation you may be turning away a potentially fun dance partner for that night and nights to come. Dating Fact: Good dance partners are hard to find, it’s not always about getting you into bed.
Just a few dating facts and myths. So give it some thought when you’re out there swimming in the dating pool. Things aren’t always what they seem, ignore the dating facts and myths and start creating new realities.