We recently had Vanessa Grimaldi join us for an episode of the Dating and Relationship Show, and there was something she addressed that I want to spotlight.
Vanessa Grimaldi, who hails from Montreal Canada, appeared on Nick Viall’s season of the Bachelor. Though she received his final rose, the two broke their engagement in August 2017. She has moved on and is now very happy with her new boyfriend, Montreal-based businessman Josh Wolfe, but she still acknowledges that letting go of her relationship with Viall was incredibly difficult.
When you’re experiencing relationship difficulties, it’s human nature to want to work out the kinks; relationships are work, right? Yes, they are. Relationships are like a full-time job – they require effort, they require you to show up every day, even when it gets tough. No relationship is without it’s troubles – we’re all flawed human beings…we’re going to mess up.
However, I do believe that there is a time when you have to let go, just as Vanessa Grimaldi acknowledged.
The distinction between a relationship you need to release and one you need to work harder at is one I want to focus on today.
1. They’ve broken your trust – This is always a tricky one. Once trust is lost, it’s hard to earn back. Trust builds a strong foundation, and without it, a relationship can easily crumble.
2. You’re with them, yet you feel lonely – a healthy relationship won’t leave you feeling this way.
3. Obviously if the relationship is abusive (mentally, physically) in any way – you don’t deserve that.
4. You keep having the same fight over and over – This means that a) they’re not listening and b) the problems you keep trying so hard to fix can’t be resolved. Sometimes it’s out of your control, and this is just who they are. However hard you may want someone to show up for you, it might not be who they innately are as a person. This can be hard to accept, but the sooner you do, the better.
5. You feel like you’re no longer your best self – the right partner will enrich your life and who you are. They make you better, not the other way around.
6. You yearn for the past – You keep thinking about the way things used to be, reliving all the happy memories before things changed.
7. You both stop doing the little things – those little gestures that make you feel loved, appreciated. When you stop doing the little things, you’re not thinking of each other anymore.
8. It’s all about the other person – Every relationship is give and take. Some days require you to show up for your partner, other days, they need to show up for you. Regardless, there needs to be some sort of balance. If you’re constantly there for your partner but don’t trust that they’ll be there for you – it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.
9. The relationship isn’t a priority – other things begin to take precedent over your relationship. You need to be with someone who is willing to make time for you. Obviously we all get busy, but the person who cares about you will take those five spare minutes to call or text you. They will find a way.
10. When your core values don’t align – this is huge. How can you build a life with someone based on differing core values, the values for which you build your life upon?
11. You know in your gut that it’s time to let go.
It’s hard to let go of someone you love, but sometimes things just aren’t meant to be, no matter how hard you work to make it so. Take comfort in knowing that when you release the wrong partner, you make space in your life for the right partner to come into your life.
If you want to hear more, be sure to catch Vanessa Grimaldi on my episode Life After The Bachelor on The Dating and Relationship Show.