Who doesn’t want happy and healthy relationships?
The best way to make sure that happens is to learn a few skills along the way to help you build, maintain, and keep your relationships thriving and in a respectful place. Thrive and survive.. Happy & healthy relationships take work. There’s no magic wand or dust. If you’re ready, and wanting happier, this will be easy. Here’s how… It starts with the premise of Communicate and Build. Every encounter, every interaction, is based on some kind of relationship-building platform, from that initial first meet, to getting to know the other person, and exhibiting character traits like honesty, humility, trust, having a genuine interest in the other person, their goals, and their happiness, and building on that. Genuinely. Communicating effectively is the golden key, your magic bullet, to every, single interaction you will ever have. Are you ready to have the best foundation possible for a happy, sexy, and healthy relationship? Here we go…
- Listen, more than you talk. That means zip it. As social beings, our validity is based in being acknowledged and heard. Having an open, understanding, appreciative ear tells the other person you are listening, hearing them, and validating them. Listening, and actually hearing what the other person has to say, will take you and the conversation far. They want to be heard, acknowledged, and validated as much as you do. Park your thoughts, and wait. Remember what your mama always told you…”If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it al all’”. Mom was right.
- Engage in conversation, not altercations calmly, without judgement, and in kind. Don’t allow yourself to get your back up and turn your defences on and up. You’ll end up reacting, heading straight into fight-or-flight-mode, and that, in turn, will only heat things up. (save that, for later.wink, wink.) The key to having a beneficial conversation, where everyone “wins” , in the office and in the bedroom, is by keeping your emotions in check and your mouth shut. Your kids, teenagers, and in-laws will appreciate it too.
- Ego. No relationship will ever be healthy if you pack your ego. If you find yourself in a conflictual situation or conversation, go back to #1, and remember your ego. It wants to come with, but it can’t. Park it at the door. It’s evil, self-centred, and only wants immediate, selfish gratification. Leading with your ego will always land you in unfavorable territory. Having effective communication is part of being an effective arguer. Enter into such situations with kindness and understanding, not with your back up. It’s a sure-fire way to put the other person in defence mode and in lock-down. You’ll get nowhere fast. Here again, acknowledgment and validation is King. Or Queen.
- Attitude and Positive Mindset. Calm wins the day. Heard this before? It’s true. If we want to elicit certain responses, part of that means we have to set and keep ‘the tone’. That also means, leading by example. When you start a conversation or objection with an acknowledgement or a positive, you’re opening things up to be favorable, kind and inviting. The other persons’ flared emotions do not give you license to flare up your own. These kinds of situations beg for a leader, someone who can deflect the hot, the anger, and the upset, and keeps things neutral, or at least not heated. The best outcomes will come from a semblance of calm and rational, and will help the other person to also keep their cool, so a win-win outcome is available for all involved.
These, are your 4 Pillars of Relationshipping happily, and having healthy relationships.
Next question is…now that you know how to build happy and healthy relationships, why spend one-second-longer in unhappy and frustration? Are you ready to take your current or next relationship to a sexy, successful level? Ready to to give and get back, respect, validation and acknowledgement? The wait is over. You’re now armed. No excuses.
ABOUT LAUREN MILLMAN
Lauren MIllman is a well-known, highly sought-after Toronto Certified Coach Practitioner. Lauren’s practice specializes in Marriage Intervention Strategy, and Support, Separation, Divorce, Dating, Conflict Resolution, Anger Management, Anxiety, Depression, Parenting, and Aspergers Support. Lauren has 2 ovations in the GTA, and is currently accepting new clients. Please call 416-576-5881