This theme is so common; you’ve seen or heard it in art, music and books since the beginning of time and you’ve likely experienced it first hand. In the beginning of a relationship, or prospect of one, we often experience infatuation and dating. We are in love with being in love.
Who knew Roxy Music’s amazing song was actually a scientific fact? Being infatuated is strikingly similar to what a cocaine addict goes through because some of the very same chemicals are released in the brain. Most notably; dopamine. Infatuation and dating can be twelve-steps away from a problem if not kept in check.
We all know someone who behaves out of character when they’re ‘in love.’ Common sense goes out the window. He or she jumps the gun, makes future, long term plans, even though they’ve only been dating a short while. Is that someone you know or is that someone you?
When you first start dating, do you only notice the charming aspects of his personality? Do you sense red flags but choose to ignore them? Do you have fantasies about introducing him to friends and family, imagining their reaction to his good looks, impressive job, impressive lineage, etc. things that have nothing to do with him as an actual human being? Have you given any thought to how he feels?
The intense feelings of infatuation will fade, like dating, there will be a time to decide whether or not this is the right person for you. When the highs of infatuation start to fade it can feel sort of like ‘buyers remorse.’ You’ve made all these great plans in your head, envisioned the rest of your life with this person, but now you’re noticing every single reason you aren’t compatible, and you want out. Ugh. That’s messy. You’re embarrassed by the way you were carrying on, assuring everyone that ‘no, this time it’s real, I have finally found the ONE!.’ Well, maybe your friends and family have heard this before and chalk it up to you being you?
Are you forgetting someone? There’s another person’s feelings involved here. While you were planning your future, seeing yourself walking down the aisle, you were taking someone else along for the ride. Okay, the bloom on the rose has faded for you, but is your partner on the same page? You can’t go around hurting people without it coming back to bite you one day. You wouldn’t like being on the receiving end, maybe you have been, it doesn’t feel good. You have to be very careful with infatuation and dating.
Nobody wants to rain on your parade, it’s so nice to see you happy and ‘in love.’ But friends and family gifted with objectivity should not be viewed as enemies of love if they raise warning signs, consider them well. Step back, realize that nobody is without their faults. Force yourself to notice the traits you’ve been ignoring. Focus on his values, things he said that you questioned, but decided to file under ‘Inconvenient’ instead. Face the facts as soon as you can, as early as you can. The less attached you are, the easier to save the both of you any unnecessary heartache.
Your gut is always right, your gut sees red flags well before your brain. Heeding your gut is the first step to solving problems or issues in almost every area of your life. Make a habit out of it, it’s the best one you could have!
