Are you in your 30’s or 40’s and still looking for that special someone? Sure, you date, but your relationships are short lived and you find yourself perpetually single. Well, on the Dating and Relationships show last week I brought in Dating and Relationship Coach Leslie Edwards to help me discuss being perpetually single!
Dating is a process and some people either love it and think it is so much fun, or some people get tired of constantly going on new dates since it can feel like a revolving door of interviews instead. That’s at least how my Co-Host Comedian Peter Anthony described it. He is single and has been dating for a number of years now, and when he sat down to talk with Leslie and I, he said that dating can be tiring since when you go out you always have to present yourself as this catchable thing and lay out your resume of why someone should be in a relationship with you. He said he is tired of talking about himself! We discussed both Peter and Leslie’s dating lives on the show as well as topics around why more people are staying single and less people are marrying, the idea of settling, and the main reasons people are single.
Love Is All You Need
Even though love is something we all hope to find in our lifetime, it seems more people are staying single by choice and less people are marrying all together – I asked Leslie why she thinks this is? She reiterated to us what has been apparent in society lately. Women are more career oriented and focused on being independent and taking care of themselves. These things were once considered the masculine pursuits of life, but today, it is everyone’s pursuit because women don’t have to rely on men for money anymore. In addition to this 21st century dynamic, women are now marrying for love, which is relatively new in our society. Rather than when women traditionally married for security. Gone are the days of ‘I’ll marry him because he has a good job, he will be able to support me so that our family can have a good life’. Today, women have an anthem playing in the back of their heads that sounds more like ‘Be a boss. Date a boss. Build an empire’.
With this ‘I close deals in heels’ mindset, women are definitely being more selective with who they commit to loving. With such ambitious women in the world today and the feeling that some men might not be on their level, this brought us onto the topic of settling. I asked Leslie to give her insight on how some people settle for a great person but not necessarily their perfect match, or some people hold out in hopes of ‘the real thing’ coming along – which did she think was more popular? Well Leslie said that settling for a great person is the most common thing since finding a perfect match is almost impossible. Realistically there are thousands of ideal people for you. When you find someone ideal for you it brings out pieces of you that you otherwise would have never known. The big fad today is to go on self-discovery and self-love journeys like Eat, Pray, Love. Although these can be very good for you, people are over doing it. When you are with someone who is right for you, it makes it easier to see new and amazing things about yourself. Leslie reassured us that she believes love is the most powerful force to unleash our potential and fulfill our purpose in life.
No great love came without great struggle
Leslie solidified that when we look at the big picture there are many ideal people you can be happy with, but finding those ideal matches still takes work. So how do we stop settling for Mr. Right now in our quest to find a Mr. Right? Leslie told us that some people keep a mental door open while constantly dating the people that come along thinking ‘that real true relationship will come’ even though I know this one isn’t it. But if you keep settling for the now and have this idea in your head that something better with eventually come, as long as that right relationship is scheduled for later, it will never be right now. We’ve heard of the law of attraction, and this mentality is how it plays into your relationships. If you’re always thinking a great relationship is going to be later down the road, the universe keeps making it that way. We often think that we are not dating the right people because there is something off about them, but really it is something off about us! Leslie and Peter both shared personal thoughts about this. Leslie said that she went through the same thing, always keeping that door open for later and she went on a stretch of dating emotionally unavailable guys that weren’t ready for the commitment she wanted, but in reality she was the one emotionally unavailable because she realized she was scared to create something deep and meaningful again. Because she was emotionally unavailable, she was only attracting emotionally unavailable guys. Peter expressed the same sort of thing when he said that in life, relationships are the only things that after you get hurt and burned you want to go back and put yourself in that situation again. However, we often carry this burned feeling with us and don’t open ourselves up emotionally again to attract the person that will be able to give us the love we want.
Leslie, Peter and I dove into discussing the main reasons people are single – and some of these reasons are conscious but some of them are completely unconscious. If you’re perpetually single as well listen to the full show here to discover if you can relate to any of these reasons people find themselves single and some of the other topics we discussed if you want to end your perpetually single existence than join our matchmaking service today!