Relationships aren’t easy; love can make us irrational, jealous, insecure…sometimes downright crazy. And honestly? That’s okay. Sometimes we misstep or miscommunicate. Sometimes we jump the gun. Sometimes we do or say things that we may later regret.
The thing is, this is what life is all about; it’s all part of the process. The important thing is learning from our mistakes, and understanding how to right our wrongs. So today I want to chat about the steps you can take to fix a relationship that’s on life support. Maybe you and your partner aren’t getting along, or are constantly fighting. Maybe there was a betrayal of some sort involved. Maybe you’re just plain and simple unhappy. If this sounds familiar, this post is for you.
So how do you know that your relationship needs an intervention? According to Rana Khan from Couple Therapy (who paid a visit to The dating and Relationship Showto lend his expert knowledge on the matter), the first indicator is any sort of contempt towards your partner. Is there an ever-present feeling of resentment? Do everything they do or say make you angry? That’s the first sign something is clearly off.
“To me a relationship is an agreement between two people. It’s ‘you’ll take care of my feelings and I’ll take care of yours as well as my own. And we will work towards a common goal,’” Rana said. So when something is off, it’s a sign that someone’s needs are not being met. Here’s the thing; at every stage in our lives, our needs will inevitably shift as we grow. The one constant in life is change, after all. With that being said, relationship issues develop when one’s needs change, and their partner isn’t able to adapt, or vice versa. So at that point, Rana asserts how imperative it is to sit down and essentially “renegotiate the terms” or your relationship.
Can we reconnect? Can we date again? Can we start fresh? Can you meet me halfway? Can we agree to communicate what we want? Can we agree to acknowledge each other’s new needs? Can we change and evolve as a couple?
These are the questions you need to ask of each other when you are having relationship troubles.
So how do you approach these tough conversations? Well, first make sure that it’s a good time. In other words, ASK your partner to have this tough conversation. The last thing you want is for someone to feel blindsided, or attacked out of left field. Sometimes we’re not ready to have “the talk,” and aren’t in the right place, emotionally, to truly hear someone and be receptive to what we are being told. Timing is everything. If you’re looking to start anew, start on the right foot. Approach this conversation with love, respect and care.
And don’t underestimate the importance of taking care of yourself. Change starts with a healthy mindset. Give to yourself, and that will allow you to properly give to your partner. To put you in the proper frame to shift with your partner, together.
If you’re experiencing any or all of these issues, it’s not too late. If this post resonated with you, be sure to check out Rana’s episode on the podcast for the full in-depth conversation about how to address relationship troubles, dissolve anger and reinvigorate your relationship.