Do you have a difficult time relating to your teenage daughter? Not only do you feel out of touch but it seems as though you are constantly reminded of how times have changed. The music is different, the clothes are a little tighter, the makeup is more dramatic and oh yes, the dating has commenced. How to connect with these generation Z teenagers? Well, my guest Jennifer Valentyne & her daughter Georgia visit my Dating & Relationship Show to share all about their beautiful bond and how to maintain a healthy mother-daughter relationship. Hearing their story inspired me to come up with a few key factors that play a role in ensuring you have a successful relationship with your teen queen.
Having a healthy and functioning relationship with your daughter is so important because it sets the tone for all other adult relationships that she may have. You’re her example for what it means to be a female and so she will be constantly looking to you for approval and guidance. The best way for her to be able to learn from you is by setting time aside to hang out! Jennifer and Georgia do fun activities together all the time. In fact, they have so much fun that they created a website to document their outings and share it with other people. Some of these adventures include culinary lessons, painting classes, edge walking along the CN Tower, Go Karting & strawberry picking. It doesn’t even need to be anything too extravagant – if you’re more of a dinner and movie type of duo, that’s okay too. What matters is that you are giving your daughter a chance to open up to you in a comfortable environment, where you can enjoy each other’s company at the same time.
Talking to your parents about any topic can be scary, but confiding in your mom about your latest crush has got to be at the top of the list. I think it’s safe to say that we all struggle with watching children grow up before our eyes. It seems like just yesterday the boys were pulling hair and stealing bows, and now they are asking for dates. It may all seem so juvenile but in reality these are the first of many adult-like decisions that your teenager will begin to make. She needs to hear more than the typical ‘boys want one thing and one thing only’ speech that your mother gave you. Don’t let the world be the one to teach your daughter about dating and relationships. There are so many influences on social media and television that create even more pressures to have a boyfriend or have sex. Instead of trying to convince your teen queen that she doesn’t need a man and should resume focusing on her studies, tell her what to look for in a man when she is ready to take that step into the dating world. The most important lessons you can teach her are self-love and self-worth. It’s not about keeping her away from boys, it’s about making sure that she has all the right tools to help her make wise decisions.
It’s important to get to know your daughter in the way that her friends know her, which may be slightly different from the way you know her as a parent. Still following? Allow me to elaborate. The goal is to prevent you from reaching that horrible stage where your daughter periodically locks herself in her bedroom and has dinner delivered through the crack underneath the door. The only way to achieve this is by reassuring her that she can come to you with any problem, no matter how big or small and you in turn will be as supportive, forgiving and non-judgmental as possible. Of course, this is easier said than done, but what is the alternative? Hiding things from you. Georgia told us a story where she lied to her mother about sleeping at a friend’s house, when she was really sleeping over with a different friend, whose boyfriend was also there. Needless to say, her mother was livid, but they were still able to move past this situation. Georgia learned that being truthful with her mother is far more worth it in the end. Teenagers don’t always make the best decisions and unfortunately we can’t prevent every mistake from happening. However, when these mistakes do happen, you don’t want to be blindsided or realize that you’ve 
been completely out of touch the entire time. The best way to combat this is to take an interest in your daughter’s interests and stay updated on her life, friends and social agenda. The more you listen and pay attention, the easier it will be to keep the lines of communication open.
Remember, being a friend to your daughter will only help you to be the best mother as well. You don’t have to choose one over the other; you can have the best of both worlds. For more advice on this topic or any other dating & relationship topics, sign up for date coaching today.
To listen to this episode and past episodes check out The Dating and Relationship Show.
Ciao for now,
Laura
