Once a month on my Dating & Relationship talk show, I like to do a pop culture edition where I explore topics relating to celebrity news, fashion, current events and anything else I find interesting. An unfortunate topic that comes up quite often in these conversations, is the constant battle with drugs that we see happening in the lives of our favorite celebs. During the week of this taping, actor & singer-songwriter Demi Lovato had been rushed to the hospital due to a drug overdose. However, Demi is not the only one battling an addiction. After photos surfaced of actor & filmmaker Ben Affleck having alcohol delivered to his home, his ex-wife thought it was best to pick him up and drive him directly to the rehab center. This raises a lot of questions concerning where to draw the line when it comes to a partner who is choosing their addiction over you. How many chances do you give them? When is enough really enough?
This of course, is the biggest red flag of them all. When your partner repeatedly assures you that today will be the last time and then tomorrow comes, and all those promises go directly out the window. This is an indication that your partner is probably saying those things to get you off their back and really doesn’t intend on quitting this harmful habit. Days can turn into weeks, which turn into months, which eventually turn into years. Before you know it, you’re divorced with three children wondering how you ever let it get to this point. Well, it doesn’t have to. Don’t trust an addict to stick to a deadline. They need to seek help immediately and reassure you of the steps that are being taken in order to quit for good.
By this point, you’ve most likely asked your partner to seek help on numerous occasions. You’ve left brochures around the apartment. You’ve recruited friends and family members to stage an intervention. You may have even physically brought your partner to a therapy or counseling session in the hopes that they would leave with the desire to turn over a new leaf. Unfortunately, all of those examples are steps that YOU’VE taken in order to encourage your partner to quit, instead of them actively making the effort. It’s a hard pill to swallow but you need to come to terms with the fact that the only person who can ensure your partner successfully quits is your partner. They need to be the ones booking appointments and being accountable to a professional when they feel like relapsing. You can’t do it for them. It’s like diet and exercise. As much as you can encourage someone to lose weight, you can’t physically ensure that the weight comes off. That is their job.
When They Put You In a Bad Financial Situation
If there is one thing I know about drugs and alcohol, they are without a doubt… expensive. If you’ve decided to share your life with another person, then you are most likely going to be sharing financial burdens as well. It’s not fair that on top of paying the rent for this month, you also have to cover the groceries and the hydro bill because your partner blew his contribution on getting his ‘fix’ for the week. Most people that struggle with addiction find themselves in large amounts of debt, due to their poor financial decisions that were influenced by the need to escape life with substance abuse. They start looking at income as a way to finance the addiction and are willing to take drastic measures to ensure that they are never without. You don’t want to wake up and find out that your partner took out a second mortgage on the house or maxed out the credit cards in order to support the addiction. Trust me, it’s not worth it.
When You Are Choosing Their Addiction Over Your Happiness
You may not think you are choosing their addiction, but your actions or non-actions speak otherwise. That’s absurd, right? You want them to quit. You want to be in a healthy and happy relationship. You’ve done everything you can to make the relationship work. It has to work, right? Wrong. I’m here to tell you the exact opposite of that. No matter how much you love someone, you should never have to compromise your morals, integrity and self-respect in order to be with them. You also don’t have to settle for whatever they give you. By choosing their addiction first, they are failing to consider your feelings and emotions. Many people who have a partner that suffer from drug and alcohol abuse are facing emotional and physical abuse as a direct result. It affects every aspect of your life negatively and you feel trapped inside this whirlwind that will spin you right into the eye of a tornado if you don’t act fast. Don’t stay with someone just for love, especially when you’re repeatedly hurt by their actions. You can love them from a distance, but you ultimately need to choose your own happiness.
Your happiness is the most important thing. Life is too short to be in a relationship where you are taking on such a heavy burden. Don’t feel obligated to stay with someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol if they are bringing you into a dark place. They made a choice and you have to make a choice as well.
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Ciao for now,
Laura
