Often the main reason people have relationship anxiety is that they had a bad past relationship and are afraid of being hurt again, even if you’ve been going on dates it can be hard to make that jump to the next step because you’re opening yourself up to being vulnerable again. Relationships are a two way street, the person you are seeing is also making themself vulnerable to you. The fear of a power imbalance in a relationship can be what causes them to occur. Opening yourself up and being your authentic self is hard, but it’s necessary for a long lasting, healthy relationship. Guarding your emotions after being hurt is a normal reaction but it won’t get you anywhere, neither will putting on an act of being someone you aren’t to please someone else.
Relationship anxiety about beginning to date comes from people not getting out and doing it enough. If you don’t date a lot or are new to dating it can be very intimidating to get started and it’s easy to get trapped in your own head. Confidence in yourself can go a long way when you’re beginning to date, if you don’t think you are special and worth it, it will be hard for others to feel that way about you. Self confidence can take a lot of work but sometimes all you need is a new date night outfit as a pick me up to put your best self forward.
If you have anxiety about dating people you haven’t met before your should try practicing having conversations, this can really help open yourself up to meeting new people. Even if it has nothing to do with romance, getting to talk to new people in different situations will help your anxiety. Try making conversation in elevators or at the grocery store, even if people aren’t necessarily receptive to your efforts it’s still worth it because you’ll have practice leading a conversation, which will help your anxiety.
Speed dating is a great way to get into the dating scene because everybody is there for the same reason. You don’t need to worry about if you don’t click with someone because you won’t be turned down at the event. People generally feel speed dating is a lot less pressure than a traditional one on one date and less pressure means less anxiety.
Staying in a relationship that isn’t quite right is usually tied to relationship anxiety about not being able to find someone else. We get comfortable and complacent in relationships and it’s easy to brush off those feelings of things not being how they should. We get caught up with the logistics of it all; where will I live, what about our mutual friends, who will get the dog? These things are tough and important, but happiness is too. In the end you just need to have faith that a relationship that ends isn’t the end of the world. It will open doors for the both you.
One of the most common issues that cause relationship anxiety is the stress from outsiders. Family members and friends can add a lot of anxiety to your relationship and to your dating search. Your family only wants what they think is best for you but that’s the issue right there, it’s what they think is best, that doesn’t mean it actually is. Family members may want you to move fast when you start a new relationship but you need to go at the pace you’re comfortable with, rushing into things won’t help anyone down the line. Family input can be hard to tune out but if you know that being engaged in your 20s isn’t for you, you need to assert yourself. Your decisions are going to affect the rest of your life, and they’re your decisions, nobody else’s.
In the end you can’t let your relationship anxiety get in the way of you finding your perfect match. Fear of rejection and change can be overwhelming; if your fear is holding you back you may want to consider date coaching to help you learn various techniques for handling your relationship anxiety.
