staying true to yourself while dating

When you first meet your date you want to be as authentic as possible and this isn’t always easy because it requires a certain level of vulnerability. Feeling vulnerable means potentially getting hurt but at the same time vulnerability affords us the best chance for success. Staying true to yourself while dating might not always be easy but it’s important for laying down the foundation for a healthy relationship.

I interview many singles in my matchmaking practice and I often hear  “all the good ones are taken” or “men are just looking for one thing, women are all superficial”. It makes little sense to blame others because I have news for you. You and only you are the reason you are single. The law of attraction is in effect; you attract who you are. If you think negatively, you will attract more of what you don’t want, when you think positively, you will attract more of what you do want. 

Ask yourself this question: would I date myself? If the answer is no, then you can’t expect someone else to want to date you.  Do you possess the qualities that others are looking for? Can you engage someone in conversation? Do you have good morals and values? Are you loyal, honest, kind, optimistic, interesting, confident, healthy, passionate. If the answer is no to most of these questions then you need to work on yourself to become the person whom you want to be with in a relationship. 

You want to be as honest as possible about yourself when dating or you will eventually be exposed as misleading, deceitful and a liar.  You want someone to like you for who you are and not for who you think they want you to be. There’s no point, the truth always comes out. Be genuine but you don’t want to overshare.  Remember this person is a stranger, you don’t owe them anything until things start getting a little more serious.

If you feel that you need to lie because you don’t have anything exciting to share, maybe you should consider getting involved in some activities and exploring different hobbies to learn about yourself.

Staying true to yourself while dating

A few important things to keep in mind to help with staying true to yourself while dating:

  • Be honest about what you like
  • Don’t hide your weirdness
  • Maintain your own relationships
  • Continue pursuing your hobbies, keep learning and working on yourself so you can be the best version of you.
  • Don’t rely on them for everything
  • Learn to say no
  • Don’t avoid doing things you need/want to do to impress someone else and don’t suppress emotions to avoid turning someone off.
  • Don’t change your dreams to make someone else happy. Instead work together to find a happy medium, something that works for the two of you.