Dating is messy. It can leave us excited, hurt, and sometimes downright confused. On this week’s episode of The dating and Relationship Show I was joined by my good friend Comedian Peter Anthony and together, we addressed a variety of common mishaps and situations we all experience while dating in this modern world. Here’s a rundown of a few of the topics we covered…..
The Friend Zone
The dreaded friend zone…it happens to even the best of us. Escaping the friend zone can be difficult because it requires you to radically morph this person’s perception of you.
The easiest way to escape the friend zone is to not allow yourself to fall into said friend zone in the first place.
It may sound difficult, but this can be achieved by clearly displaying your intent. For instance, if you’re a guy vying for the attention of a woman, don’t allow yourself to fall into the “nice guy” trap. Don’t be readily available, and at her beck and call; you need to show backbone, and more importantly, you need to show her your romantic, spontaneous side. If you act like a friend, a friend you shall remain. Same goes for women. In order for this man to see you in a new light, you need to show him your feminine side. The main difference between platonic friendship and a romantic relationship is physical attraction; you need to create desire.
Take control of the dynamic of your relationship early on.
When the Ghoster comes back
Ghosting: The disappearing of one party from a relationship, without explanation and withdrawing all communication.
As we all know, ghosting is an unfortunate and frequent occurrence in modern dating, especially living in the digital age. Ghosting can be a massive hit to the self-esteem. According to Psychology Today, “social rejection activates the same pathways in the brain as physical pain.” So if you’ve been ghosted and it’s cutting deep, know that you’re not alone and that there are substantiated reasons as to why it hurts so much.
What do you do however, when a ghoster tries to haunt their way back into your life?
Let’s say a man you initially hit it off with reaches out after a few months of no communication. Before you make your decision, you need to get to the bottom of why he behaved in this way. In other words, what was his excuse? Was he going through a personal hardship? Was he going through mental health issues? Did he have to leave the province for three months to take care of his ailing grandmother? You never know what people are going through, and if he or she pulled away due to an unfortunate and otherwise uncontrollable circumstance, a second chance may be reasonable. Especially if this is someone who you can truly see a future with.
If you do let a ghoster back into your life, err on the side of caution. Take it slow. They need to win back your trust and understand that you won’t tolerate a flake.
Hot and Cold
So you’re dating a guy who’s giving you mixed signals. Some days he seems into you; other days not so much. This type of behaviour can be confusing, and can leave your relationship in a dreaded, undefinable limbo.
There are many reasons why men or women may be hot and cold in a relationship. They could be afraid of a relationship and be using this behaviour as a protective mechanism. Perhaps they still harbor feelings for an ex who broke their heart. It’s hard to pinpoint why, especially if they’re being emotionally evasive with you.
Here’s how you handle this; be kind, but protect yourself. Give them a few chances, but if this behaviour continues, it may be time to cut your losses and move on. Wishy-washy isn’t attractive.
The Elusive “Spark”
We all know about the “spark.” That magical feeling when you meet someone and feel that indescribable connection, that chemistry.
But what happens when you meet someone in person for the first time – for instance, someone you met online who you really enjoy talking to – and there’s no spark?
Here’s the thing: Yes, the spark can be instant, but it can also develop over time.
However, you do need to pay attention. The absence of said spark accompanied with the absence of physical attraction is a no-go. On the other hand, if this person if your type and you are attracted to them, give the spark a chance to develop. A spark is born from two variables: A physical connection and overall compatibility.
Long-term committed relationships are most successful when there is an alignment of shared interests, values, goals, etc. Deeper connections can create that spark, so if it’s not immediate, don’t despair. Give it a chance.
If you want to learn more about modern dating, common dating woes and how to handle them, head over the latest episode of The Dating and Relationship Show, where we answer your questions about sex, who pays on a date, and much more.