When you start dating you put your best foot forward, you are on your best behavior, you want to impress and you act accordingly…but, as time goes by, you start relaxing a bit more and start being more ‘real.’ It has to happen, if it doesn’t you are not in a relationship, your alter ego is.
IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME
This isn’t anybody’s fault and there’s nothing you can do about it, but, as I’ve said many times before, we tend to date the same person over and over again until we ‘learn the lesson’ and move on, so it is entirely possible that you or your date, shares a trait with an ex or someone else they don’t like. It doesn’t have to be anything negative, just so similar that they can’t look at you without thinking of the thorn in their side. You can’t change this, but it is an instant relationship killer.
TOO NEEDY
Another instant relationship killer is being too needy, it’s a big turn off for many people. At first frequent phone calls and talking all hours is exhilarating and something to look forward to, but once you get to know each other better, there’s less to discover and you’re less likely to feel inclined to ignore the fact that your eyes are closing and you have to get up for work very early the next day. Eventually, you’re going to want to sleep instead of having a marathon phone conversation, but the needy one will take this as a sign that you are losing interest and his/her attempts to get and hold your attention might just be too desperate for you.
GHOSTS OF RELATIONSHIPS PAST
Talking about your past relationship(s) is not something your new love interest wants to do. It’s probably the opposite of what he/she wants to talk about, so don’t do it. If you co-parent with an ex, this is of course challenging, but if you’re mindful about how many appearances your ex makes in your current dating life, you can overcome this and it needn’t be a relationship killer.
MISERABLE MISER
Being cheap is one of those instant relationship killers. That’s not to say you need to ‘make it rain’ when you go out and/or spend lavishly, but if money is a big issue – and is talked about too much, there’s a good chance you will have one less person to spend money on. You can do inexpensive things and still have a great time, that isn’t a relationship killer, but complaining about the cost of things on a regular basis, is definitely a relationship killer.
ME ME ME
If you are your favorite topic of conversation, the conversation won’t last very long. Relationships are two way streets, you have to show interest in your partner otherwise you should just date yourself. Many of my clients have complained about this very issue. Nobody likes a braggart, nor does anybody like being ignored, especially when you’re engaged in a ‘conversation.’ I often suggest going out with a plan to learn 3 things about the other person on your date. Bring that attitude on a date and you’ll get a next one.
I am sure there are a lot more instant relationship killers out there, but these five are the ones I hear most about from my clients. Remember, in the beginning we are showing the best version of ourselves, the more comfortable we get with our date, the more likely we are to drop our guard and let our true colors shine. No relationship is immune from this, and it’s not necessarily negative, it’s just something you need to pay attention to, be the person you want to date!
Learn more about early dating and how to turn those dates into relationships, grab a copy of Laura’s Dating & Relationship Advice Book “Single in the City: From Hookups & Heartbreaks To Love & Lifemates, Tales & Tips To Attract Your Perfect Match”. Available online or in-stores at Chapters Indigo.
