Sometimes it happens, you get stuck in a terrible relationship and breaking away becomes a challenge. It’s like anything — quitting smoking, dieting — anything that requires a change in routine or lifestyle can be intimidating even though it is good for you. But seriously, if you’re dating a deadbeat, now’s the time to break up with him.
I have a friend who is trapped in an awful, emotionally draining relationship with an abusive guy. She’s having trouble dumping him, despite actually being in a perfect situation to get up and leave. They’re not married, nor do they have any children together. She could storm out of his life today and never have to see him ever again.
Let’s call my friend Lucy, which is not her real name. Lucy’s guy controls her with goods. He gives her money and takes her out to nice places — shows her a life that she cannot afford on her own. In doing this, he has caused Lucy to believe that she needs him. Unfortunately, Lucy’s guy isn’t only about fancy dinners and big spending. The guy regularly insults her, calls her stupid, and makes fun of her appearance. Oh, and this guy loves calling her the C word, often. Sounds like a real winner, right? And if Lucy doesn’t play it exactly how he wants, he calls her “crazy” and kicks her out of the house.
It’s strange how people can get caught up trapped in miserable relationships with abusive partners, but it’s real, it happens. Despite constantly crying about him to her friends, Lucy never takes our advice. She won’t leave the guy. I don’t know if it’s that Lucy is scared of being alone, or if she is developing Stockholm Syndrome, but she isn’t happy with her abusive boyfriend, yet she just won’t dump him.
First of all, if you’re dating someone like the guy I’ve described above, then you need to ask yourself: Why am I putting up with this behaviour?
Be confident in yourself and realize a simple truth: You can do better. Nobody deserves the treatment Lucy is getting from her guy. BREAK UP WITH HIM!
In Lucy’s defence, maybe she thinks her guy will change. Some people do change. But the reality is: If the same issues keep resurfacing, chances are, unless a person takes ownership of their actions, that person is never going to stop calling you the C word or stop blaming you for every single bump in the road. If it’s always your fault, then your partner is being unreasonable. Love is a two-way street. Healthy, worthwhile relationships require work and understanding.
If you are in a relationship like Lucy’s and you’re understandably not happy, only you can change things. Happiness depends upon us, and I urge you to choose it for yourself. If your family and friends are urging you to dump that guy then chances are you should listen to them. At least consider their opinions and concerns. Trust me, they are looking out for your best interests, as they have always done.
But it’s not easy to be Lucy. What seems obvious to me, is not to you, and vis versa. Life isn’t always so black and white. Sometimes when we are in love we become blinded by how bad a relationship is. This causes us to endure unnecessary abuse. Don’t do that to yourself. Break up with him or her and lean on your friends and family if you need help doing so. They will support you.
